Undying Affections

This summer if being filled with a lot of self-realizations. I can't decide if it's good or bad. We'll say good, just to be positive.

As you all know, I have a lot of guy friends. I love these guys with all of my heart, with undying affection. All I want from our friendship is for them to feel the same way towards me. If it seems to me like they aren't feeling the same way about me, I start to feel a little blue, or jealous if they're giving that affection/attention to other girls. I'm pretty sure I've posted about this before about Gordon, but I can't figure out a way to fix this with myself. I know these guys do love me, but it wouldn't hurt if they expressed that to me without my having to get it out of them. I know most guys don't usually express things like that anyway, but reassurance always feels good.



It's hard having affection for people who don't necessarily show it back. I just need to stop expecting so much, have faith in our friendship, and it should help.

I'm also having trouble with giving new guys the right image of myself. I think I'm starting to build up a false image for them, and I really just need to stop. I just need to chill out, stop caring so much, and let chill and flow take me over again.

Self Mutilation

I really need to stop biting my nails. It's almost become self mutilation.

I do it when I'm bored, or don't have something in my hands. It has become painful, debilitating, and it looks horrible.

I don't know how to remedy this, but right now I'm going to make a huge effort to stop. Maybe I can carry around a stress ball or hackey sack to keep my hands busy. Any other ideas?


Thanks, the end.

The start of the best summer

So, the summer has officially kicked off. The weather has gotten warmer, I got my first sunburn, and summer jobs have started. I've got 30 hours a week babysitting for two boys, plus my Victoria's Secret job. I'm really pumped for all of the hours I'm raking in. I do need to start balancing my checkbook much better though. I'll have to ask my mom for some expert advice about that.

Katie left for field school yesterday. I didn't get to say bye to her, but I know she'll have fun and keep me incredibly updated. I have been spending a lot of time with Andrew/at his house. Pong, bonfires, meeting new people, and we're planning on going camping in a few weeks :) I think I'm going to continue to spend most of my time with him. I'm excited!

I need to start looking up a Senior IS topic. I also just feel like reading or writing a lot, academically. Freelance, or research, I just feel like doing it.

I never really have too much to write. I'll probably end up writing more later, but I just felt like updating a little bit right now.

I can tell this summer is going to be one of the best!